Давайте анекдоты рассказывать?
(приличные).
Мне сегодня вот такой понравился:

After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her -- "Hello" "How are you! We've been waiting for you!" "Good to see you." When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her. "Which word?" the woman asked. "Love." The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven. About six months later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?" "Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her
husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a big mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation and I went water skiing today. I fell, the ski hit my head, and here I am. How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," the woman told him. "Which word?" her husband asked. "Czechoslovakia."

Английский юмор? Пропёрло! А что ещё есть?

Please be aware that as your wives age, it is harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there is
nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is, Tom. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Sally.

When I was laid off from my consulting job and took early retirement in April, it became necessary for Sally to get a full-time job, both for extra income and for the health insurance benefits we needed.

Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work, and although she knows how hungry I am, she rests an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club, so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now, it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening
that they won't clean themselves. I know she appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

I really think my old business as a consultant helps a lot. Telling people what they ought to do is one of my strong points. Also, now that she has gotten older, she does seem to get tired so much more quickly. Our washer and dryer are in the basement, and sometimes she says she just can't make another trip down those steps. I don't make a big issue of this, just as long as she finishes up the laundry the next evening. I'm willing to overlook her shortcomings in this area. Unless I need something ironed to wear to the Monday lodge meeting, or to the Wednesday and Saturday poker club, or to Tuesday and Thursday's bowling, I'll tell her to wait until the next evening to do the ironing.

This gives her a little more time to do some of those odds and ends like shampooing the dog, vacuuming or dusting. If I had a really bad day on the course and it was wet and muddy, and my clubs are a mess, I let her clean them, you know, getting the grit off the grips and a little light Brillo on the clubface. Since my golf bag is heavy, I lift it out of the trunk for her. Women are delicate, have weak wrists and can't lift heavy stuff as good as men. But I had to tell her that I don't like to be wakened during my
after-golf nap, so rather than bother me, she can put them back in the trunk when she's finished.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard.

I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of fresh squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for
me too, then take her break by my hammock. That way we can talk until I fall asleep.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Sally, but I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do, how frustrating women get as they get older.

However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this letter, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile.
After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.
Regards,
Tom

EDITOR'S NOTE:


Tom died suddenly Thursday, May 29th. He was found with a Callaway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver rammed up his rectum with only two inches of grip showing. His wife Sally was arrested, but after the jury read this letter, they accepted her defense that he accidentally sat on it.

Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't Your BROTHER and I
are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife
********************************************************************
Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me.
So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

<a href=http://rulezman.multik.org/ target=_blank><img src="http://rulezman.multik.org/41.gif" width=120 height=120 border=0></a>
картинки не грузятсяцо, ф обсчем учите албанский.
ни ф песду ни ф красну армию.
незачёт нах.

А что так однобоко?

Но в целом: зачет.

Просто пошло такое пьянко...

2WarWar - понятие "модификация мата" в полиси конечно отсутствует, но здесь все же не филиал удафф.ком. Чуть вежливее
2Шторм - СБ своей не боитесь... и Пашеньки

2LadyWind: А что такое? Расскажите-ка, я тут новичок!

Завтра придет Пашенька и все тебе растолкует

Ну вот, запугали юного сотрудника, а я ниразу о нём за полгода и не слышал! Тем более, что на форуме п САПу сижу. Мда.

PS и инета у меня нема
PPS и вообще меня теперь кошмары мучить будут ночами! Блин, я же нервный, нельзя меня ТАК пугать.
PPPS вы, наверное, хороший психолог, верно?
PPPPS раскрыли бы тему этого вашего Пашеньки, что ли. Поиск по форуму ничего не дал.

Да ладно????

P.S. Ты у нас в Техносерве трудишься? Так запусти поиск по словам "Техносерв", "полиграф", "Очень Вредный"...

Вот и Пашенька. Упс!
Я, кстати, не проходил полиграф (как студент) =0) Вот так!

ЗЫ Кстати на этом BB крайне странный поиск - выводит только общие темы, в названии этих тема данные слова не встречаются, а прочитывать все темы - на это нету времени, ибо работа. Так что же такого я ваще сделал? Зачем вы тrавите?

Глючат не компы и операционки, а прокладки между стулом и клавиатурой Поиск работает как по ключевым словам, так и по авторам, выводит как темы, так и сообщения

Короче почитал Пашеньку, да ещё и Юля (с работы) подошла сказала, чтоб не флеймил. Блин. Не буду больше писать сюда, злые вы! Сделали тему ФЛЕЙМ, а флеймить-то и нельзя.